Navigating Holiday Expectations

The holiday season is often described as the most wonderful time of the year. It’s a time for family gatherings, delicious meals, festive traditions, and sparkling decorations. For many, it’s a season filled with joy, laughter, and love. However, it’s important to acknowledge that the holidays can also bring their fair share of stress, especially for families navigating diverse needs, personalities, and sensitivities.

The truth is that while this season is magical, it can also be overwhelming for some individuals. This is particularly true in our diverse communities, where the way people celebrate — and the way people experience joy — can differ greatly. Diversity extends beyond cultural traditions; it includes differences in personalities, temperaments, and neurodiversities. These differences can sometimes lead to misunderstandings or even stress, especially when it comes to children.

Understanding Neurodiversity
Neurodiversity refers to the idea that neurological differences are natural variations in the human experience. It includes individuals with conditions such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, sensory processing disorders, and more. Neurodivergent children often process information and stimuli differently from neurotypical children. For some, the high-energy festivities of the holiday season can feel like sensory overload. Bright lights, loud music, crowded rooms, and unpredictable schedules can be incredibly overwhelming.

It’s crucial for family members and community members to recognize and respect these differences. Joy doesn’t look the same for everyone, and a child’s reluctance to participate in a particular activity or their need for a quiet moment shouldn’t be seen as “wrong” or “disruptive.”

Supporting Families During the Holidays
For many parents of neurodivergent children, the holidays can be a source of anxiety. They may worry about how their child’s sensitivities will be perceived by others or fear judgment if their child behaves in ways that are unexpected. As a community, we can help alleviate some of this stress by approaching these situations with understanding and compassion.

Here are some ways to support families during the holiday season:

1. Be Flexible and Inclusive: If your niece or nephew doesn’t want to give you a big hug, don’t take it personally. Offer alternatives like a high-five, a wave, or even a smile. Small gestures of understanding can make a big difference.
2. Avoid Shaming: Publicly or privately shaming a child (or their parents) for behaviors that stem from overstimulation or anxiety will only make the situation worse. Instead, show patience and empathy.
3. Create Quiet Spaces: If you’re hosting a gathering, consider setting up a quiet, low-stimulation area where anyone who feels overwhelmed can take a break. This can be a lifesaver for children (and adults) who need to recharge.
4. Ask Questions, Don’t Assume: If you’re unsure how to interact with a child or support a family, ask. Most parents appreciate thoughtful questions over assumptions.
5. Respect Boundaries: Not everyone will want to participate in every activity. If a child opts out of singing carols or sitting on Santa’s lap, let it be.

Tips for Parents Managing Overstimulation
Parents, you know your child best. Here are some strategies to help manage overstimulation during the holidays:

• Watch for Signs: Common signs of overstimulation include irritability, covering ears, avoiding eye contact, fidgeting, or sudden withdrawal. Keep an eye out for these cues and step in early.
• Set Expectations: Before attending a gathering, explain to your child what to expect. Let them know they can take breaks if they need to.
• Bring Comfort Items: Pack items that help your child self-soothe, like noise-canceling headphones, a favorite toy, or a weighted blanket.
• Stick to Routines: As much as possible, try to maintain your child’s usual routines for meals, naps, and bedtime. Predictability can help reduce stress.
• Communicate with Hosts: Let hosts know ahead of time about any accommodations your child might need. Most people are happy to help when they understand what’s needed.

A Holiday Season for Everyone
The holidays are a time for connection, celebration, and love. By embracing the diversity within our families and communities, we can create an environment where everyone feels valued and included. Remember, everyone deserves the right to a joyous holiday season, but joy doesn’t look the same for everyone. For some, it’s boisterous carols and bustling parties. For others, it’s quiet moments with a book or a peaceful walk outside.

This season, let’s commit to looking out for one another. Let’s approach differences with curiosity and compassion, and let’s create spaces where everyone — neurodivergent and neurotypical alike — can experience the magic of the holidays in their own way. Because ultimately, the greatest gift we can give each other is understanding.

---